Well, so far it's been a weekend of ups and downs. I didn't write much yesterday so here's the full report.
Friday was spent in Hampton working on holiday cards at the office and attending a pretty great company lunch. I don't get much time with my colleagues when we get the opportunity to socialize and I really enjoyed it. It's nice to be reminded there are more in the company behind the scenes that I work with/for and it may make things a little more bearable.
We ate at the Vanguard. Everyone laughed and poked fun when I suggested the brussel sprouts as a shared app, until they came. They were off the charts.
I got back late so G and I decided to postpone our dinner plans. He wants to take me to Char, supposedly a pretty nice place. We spent a little time together and then I went out to meet friends and get some dancing in.
Met my friends at Huddle Up for the last show ever to be played as the band, Honkey Tonk Heroes. They were amazing as usual and it's disappointing that they're breaking up.
I spent all day yesterday with Diesel and Riley over at the kids' helping to get ready for KJ. This time, I did some windows again and tackled the fridge. I have a lot of respect for Gabby and her nesting behavior. Things are coming along! And he could be here any day!
I also took bath time duty off the kids last night and took care of Rowie. She is so sweet!! I'm getting her into her PJs all she wanted was to climb on the crazy awesome gym/bed Kalob made for her. We had fun!
Poor Rowie though, for the first time she actually cried when it was time for me to leave. According to the kids, she's been a little more emotional the past few days since her surgery. I think, though, that maybe she and I have gotten a little closer lately. We were close before, but things just keep getting better.
Amazingly, we did NOT talk about the nastiness that occurred throughout the week with the P's. I do have some to share about my experience, some messages, but I chose to wait and not be the one to change the mood in the house. I'm proud that no one else brought it up either. It shows growth that everyone was able to live life outside of that for a bit, all included.
I have to say that I'm feeling so blessed that my part in it was ok. As a mom, I tried to help and, maybe I did, maybe I didn't. It was understood that my intentions were good and it was let go. If my kids choose to share less with me in the future on the subject it's ok because I really don't need to know everything. As long as they know I have their backs and will do anything I can to help them in any way I can in the future, if they want or need.
On the way home, I finally took a call and started a really challenging conversation. I am so very glad to have that burden lifted. Starting was the hard part. I'm going to tiptoe around what I say about some matters in this blog to try to respect all perspectives.
The purpose of this blog is to give me a creative outlet AND to maybe help others with challenges like my own, related to mental health. If I were to keep that in mind and try to share something helpful...
It has been weighing heavy on my mind and heart to come to the realization that an estrangement really has to do with fear of danger. Deep inside for years I've known this and tried to be ok with it. It is true that when I'm not well I can be unpredictable. All I can try to do is take care of myself and communicate with others... so those in my life can keep up.
I did learn something more last night and that is that it also has to do with different values. It is true that I have had a challenging time in the past with processing information quick enough to THINK before I speak. I cannot promise that I won't mess up in the future. I CAN promise to try my best to respect boundaries when they're known, judge and confirm what may or may not be considered appropriate conversation with children, and fight to honor parental rights. It is the right of parents to try to protect their children in all ways.
I love that we, as humans, all have the ability to learn and grow, myself included. I'm almost 50 years old and learn every day! A lot!
The conclusion of our conversation... I believe it may have been a pretty good start of something. Now, my brother knows that he can check this blog any/every day if he ever wonders how I am and where I am. For many, many reasons this is, I believe, an amazing gift.
He also knows that pretty soon he's going to have another way to really see where I stand at this juncture in my life. To understand what I have and have not grown to value in my almost 50 years. He'll have access to my book.
For example... here's an excerpt:
Hmm... this is turning into a pretty long post today. I should be putting this time into my book! 😉 Nope. Putting the time into the perfect place.
The rest of last night: G called and wanted to come over. Told me he was on his way and never showed up! Like old days, he let me think he was coming. I got ready, hair, makeup, dressed for company. We always have good conversation.
After finally receiving a text that he'd fallen asleep, with his ROR (I didn't think it was funny) I was upset and went out. I enjoyed some music and dancing and talking to a girlfriend.
This morning... meds/vitamins... check. Dogs. Coffee. Blog. I haven't turned on the TV yet because it seems I had a lot to tell you, reader!
Plans for the day... maybe take the dogs to the park. Maybe go to the kids again and do some more cleaning, if they're not tired of me. I have a little clothes shopping and Christmas gift shopping to do. Need to put a post out for the Dugout.
Dinner. I'd been back and forth with two plans. I made plans with G but was then invited to a birthday celebration with Don and Tonya's family. After G's behavior last night... I think I'll go have dinner with my friends.
Have an amazing day!
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